I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
