Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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