I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
