Already got asked if we're dating
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
