Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
