I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
