recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
