Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
