On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
