I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
