You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was born a porn star she said
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
