What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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