dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
