just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
