My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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