I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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