he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
