Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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