I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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