Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
