he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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