Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
