why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
