Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
