do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
