im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
