Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
two words: eviction party
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
