Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
