STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
