Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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