Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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