I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
