So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
