i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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