i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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