watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
