he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
