You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
