i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
