She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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