my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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