then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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