If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
