You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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