Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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