stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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