What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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