In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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