I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
