umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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