I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
