He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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