I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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