I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do vagina's smell?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
