im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
