my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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