my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
