while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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