When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
