so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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