it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
