Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
