so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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