Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
