you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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