if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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