Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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