and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
