I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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