I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
