Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
