i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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