some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
