I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
